


Antiques

by idacarvalli



Category: MCU, Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Tower, Avengers team - Freeform, Domestic Avengers, Drabbles, Italian Tony Stark, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Avengers (2012), Thor Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark & Thor Friendship, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, himbo god of thunder, thor LOVES shopping, thorbruce being chaotic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:47:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24671059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idacarvalli/pseuds/idacarvalli
Summary: Tony and Thor go shopping. But their tastes don't exactly line up.
Relationships: Tony Stark & Thor
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	Antiques

**Author's Note:**

> ThorTony drabbles I originally posted in a short story collection, but I deleted that work and am posting it here. It's the same thing pretty much, I just reposted it. Actually proofread this time, go me!

"Are you two serious?" 

Thor is halfway through the window, and Tony sighs, stepping through the shards of broken glass that scatter across the floor. Bruce, who had been on a Hulked-out rampage just a few moments before, sat awkwardly on the smooth floor in ripped pants. He looks embarrassed, if not slightly confused as to how it all had happened. "Sorry, Tony," says Bruce. "I didn't wreck much, did I?"

"No, thankfully," Tony says, helping him up. "You were actually in control this time. Kind of. But how did this happen?"

Thor pauses in his efforts to remove his lower body from the window and turns to Tony, speaking up. "Banner and I were sparring in the training room. I do not remember what exactly it was about, but things got quite out of hand. Now we are here."

"That's the whole story?" asks Tony cynically, staring at Thor's visible upper half. "That's how you ended up in the window?"

"Well, I am not sure how I ended up in the window," says Thor, staring at the hole in the window. "But my lower half is currently hanging out of the Tower, so if I could just summon my hammer-" Thor stretches out his arm, calling awkwardly for Mjolnir. Tony ducks.

"Thor, I don't think that's a great idea-" Bruce says, moving towards him. But it's too late, and Thor is already flying out of the window, knocked backward from his already-delicate position by the force of the hammer. There's a giant hole where he once was. "THOR!"

Tony rushes to the window, Bruce following not far behind him. He stares out the large hole, scanning the ground below for Thor. There’s nothing but pedestrians and street vendors, burning under the hot sun of a summer day. “Thor?” Tony calls, but there’s no response. They’re very high up; on the 57th floor at least. A bad fall, even for a god.

“My friends!” 

Tony looks to the voice, on his right. Thor hovers in the air, his hammer swinging in rapid circles above him. Tony has the sudden urge to yell at him but sighs in frustration and relief instead. “I’ll call someone to clean up this mess,” he says, pointing to the glassy debris on the floor. “But you two need to get out of the tower for a bit. When was the last time you went out?”

“Just now,” says Thor. Tony groans, throwing his head back a little. “I would like to go outside.”

“Perfect,” says Tony. 

“What in the  _ world _ happened here?” Tony turns around, and Steve stands on the far end of the hallway, next to the elevator.

“Thor fell out a window,” says Bruce, pointing to the gaping hole in the tower. “And we’re going out now.”

“Why don’t you go with Steve?” Tony says to him. “He knows all the quiet places around the city. Figure you might want some of that.”

“Sounds fun,” says Steve, still looking a little warily at the mess. “But who’s gonna clean this up?”

“We’ll get Clint to do it,” says Tony, waving him off. 

Steve hesitates, then shrugs, beckoning to Bruce. “C’mon, I know the best places in Central Park.”

He turns and leaves the corridor, heading back towards the elevator. Bruce follows, light catching on his dark hair as the sun shifts between the clouds. That leaves Thor with Tony. The latter turns to the first and sighs. “Let’s get outta here,” Tony says, and Thor nods. Then he whispers to himself, “So you don’t break the dining table next.”

“That is a superior plan, Stark,” says Thor, following closely behind. “So where are we going to go?”

“I was thinking we would go walking in the park,” says Tony. “Do some shopping, maybe. At Hermes.”

“Can we do the activity that Jane and Darcy call ‘window shopping’?” asks Thor as Tony pushes the button on the elevator. “I would very much like to buy a replacement window for the one I broke.”

Tony can’t help it; he laughs softly, turning to Thor, who looks very confused. “That’s not- window shopping is looking through the display windows of a store and not actually going in, Thor. And don’t worry, I’ll pay for the window. I pay for pretty much everything around here anyway.”

They reach the ground floor after an elevator ride that Thor spends pulling the glass out of his armor. “I do not see why we could not just fly there,” he says when they reach the lobby of Stark Tower. 

Tony turns to him. “I don’t think flying and using your lightning is what we’re doing right now. So I’d prefer us to take a car. Or walking.”

“Could we walk, perhaps?” asks Thor. “I am not yet comfortable squeezing into those ridiculously small sports cars.”

“If you want to,” says Tony, although his legs still hurt from standing in the lab for seven hours straight. “We’ll go shopping in all the expensive places.”

“That sounds exciting,” says Thor, following Tony to the lobby door. 

The New York streets are crowded, full of commuters making their way back home in the fading evening sunlight. Tony took a right, towards Madison Avenue, which teemed with shoppers, drifting about through the stores, luxury and common. 

“Where are we going, Stark?” asks Thor, behind him. Tony can feel the eyes that land on them as they walk on the hot sidewalk, watching them.  _ Hey, they’re the Avengers. Iron Man and Thor _ , he can hear them whisper. They talk about a few months before, in New York, and Tony looks away from them, to the pavement. Tries not to think about it. But the portal shows up in his mind’s eye anyway, black and dark and calling, beckoning, in an eerie voice. And Tony feels himself drifting further and further away from the familiar streets and back into the battle, thinking about the Chitauri snapping at his heels or Loki and his scepter.

“Stark?”

“Yeah?” says Tony, snapping his head up. Thor looms over him, not threateningly, but looming nonetheless. “What did you ask?”

“Where we would be going,” says Thor. He looks at Tony quizzically, and Tony returns the gaze; anything else to focus on, to tune out that voice in the back of his head, that whispered sinister thoughts into his ears, coaxing him to come join them. “Stark? Are you well? 

“I’m fine. Totally fine,” says Tony. “We’re going to Hermes on Madison and 62nd. They have some luxury clothes that I want to check out. And I want to get you some mortal clothes so we don’t have to walk around the city with you looking like… well, a god.”

“Brilliant,” says Thor, smiling. “I cannot wait to go to this Hermes shop. It sounds very regal.”

“It is,” says Tony, smiling lightly, but the voice still whispers into his ear.  _ Shut up _ , he tells it and walks Thor through the city. 

Madison Avenue meets 62nd not terribly far from Stark Tower. The Hermes sits on the corner of a block, next to a Jimmy Choo. On the opposite side of the road, Hermes Mens is closed. “This is Hermes?” asks Thor, looking up at it.

“Yep,” Tony says, starting to walk in. 

Thor follows. Louise, the manager, looks up when they walk through the door. “ _ Signor _ Stark!” she says in her thick Italian accent, coming out from behind the counter to give Tony a hug. Tony returns it hesitantly; he wasn’t in the mood for hugging right now. “Welcome back! And I see you have brought a friend!” Louise turns to look at Thor, and then reddens deeply.

“Good evening, Lady Louise,” says Thor, taking her hand and planting a kiss on it. Louise turns fire-truck red. “I am Thor Odinson.”

“Yes, well, I of course know who you are,” says Louise, flustered. “I saw the television when I was in Siena.” There it is again. Tony tries to tune out their conversation, ignore it as much as possible, but the voice still nags at him. He slaps himself, lightly, in the head. 

“ _ Stai bene, signor _ ?” asks Louise, catching his movement. “ _ Vuoi un po d’acqua _ ?” 

“ _ No, _ ” says Tony. “ _ Per favore, sto bene _ .”

“ _ Si, naturalmente _ ,” Louise says, nodding. “ _ Posso interessati alla collezione estiva? _ ’

Tony’s gaze lowers to the floor. Beside him, Thor nods eagerly. “ _ Si, grazie. _ ”

Tony turns to face him. “You can speak Italian?”

“It is called Allspeak,” says Thor, explaining calmly. “I can speak any language.”

“I will bring the item up for you,” says Louise, switching back to English. Tony frowns and shakes his head.

“ _ Scusati _ , Louise, but I think we’d better go,” says Tony. The air feels tight and humid and stuffy around him; he has to get out, get out of this store and back into the fresh air, into the open where he can breathe again. “I promise we’ll come back another time.” Louise begins to protest slightly, but Tony ignores her. “Love you. Bye.”

Tony grabs Thor by the arm and pulls him out, the god fighting against his force, but gives up eventually. Tony was pretty sure he wasn’t trying too hard to fight back because Thor could wipe the floor with Tony. “Stark, what is the matter?”

“Sorry,” says Tony, chest heaving from the effort. “I just need some air.”

“Are you feeling unwell?” asks Thor. “If so, we can go back to your tower.”

“No, no, nothing like that,” says Tony. “It’s just that I think we can do better than Hermes.”

“I thought this was top qualit-” Tony starts walking towards an alley, which is far quieter and much more peaceful. Thor runs after him, stopping mid-sentence. “Why are we here?”

“This part of New York is a lot quieter,” says Tony. “The streets are so mainstream.”

“If you say so, Stark,” says Thor, and walks through the alley with him. It’s small and narrow, but it’s not constricting at all. In fact, Tony feels freer than he did on Madison Avenue. Dumpsters line the walls of the alley, holding large garbage bags. They give off a smell, but Tony doesn’t mind. The floor is uneven and hard to walk across, with chunks of stone sticking up in places. Down at the end of the alley, there’s a little door with a sign above it, reading  _ Ms. Warlan’s Antiques _ .

“Is this where you were taking us?” Thor asks, looking at the same door. Tony starts towards it.

“Yeah,” Tony lies. “This is exactly where.”

“Very well, then,” says Thor. “I cannot wait to see Midgard antiques. Perhaps they shall be as glorious as those of Asgard.”

“I doubt that,” Tony says. “A lot of them come from a hundred years back or so. 1800’s, 1900’s. If you want Asgardian-old antiques, I’ll take you to the Museum of Natural History sometime.”

“That sounds like great fun!” says Thor. “Do they have the relics of old, from Agnafit and Europe?”

“I’m… sure they do,” says Tony, cracking a smile. 

“Excellent,” Thor beams. “Now let us go forth into Lady Warlan’s relic shop.”

“Thor, it’s not a relic shop-” Tony starts, but Thor is already long gone down the alley. Tony runs after him to keep up. 

“Lady Warlan!” Thor cries into the shop before Tony can reach. “Friend Tony and I have come to see your relics.”

“Oi,” Tony mutters to himself. He joins Thor in the threshold. “Sorry to bother you, ma’am.”

An old lady sits behind a table, her graying hair tied up in a tight bun on her head. She’s reading a thick book, flipping through the pages with her glasses slipping down her nose. The lady, who Tony assumes must be Ms. Warlan, looks up when she sees- or hears, actually- Thor. Her wrinkled face splits into a wide, warm smile. Ms. Warlan gets up from her chair and comes over to them; she’s a few inches shorter than Tony.

“Welcome, dears!” she says cheerily. Then her small eyes widened. “Oh my goodness. You’re the Avengers!”

“It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Lady Warlan. Stark and I came across your shop when we were walking through the streets,” says Thor, matching her joy. Tony casts a sidelong glance at him. How did he manage to stay that happy all the time?

“Oh!” says the lady. “Feel free to look around.”

Tony hated antiques. He hated them; the past was the past. What was the use of dwelling on things so trivial, like an old chair or clock? Before he could open his mouth, Thor had dashed off. Sighing, Tony goes after him; it’s not hard to find his long blonde hair sticking up from behind one of the shelves. Oh, the perks of being tall. Tony wouldn’t know them,

“Thor, they’re just antiques,” Tony says exasperatedly as Thor fiddles with a small cuckoo clock. 

Thor shoots a look at him, confused and scandalized. “They are not  _ just _ antiques! These are relics of Midgard! They contain your history and magic!” he says indignantly.

Tony frowns. “Pretty sure Earth doesn’t have magic,” he replies. Besides, he didn’t  _ really _ believe in magic, despite Thor’s entire existence being due to it.

“Midgard does have magic,” says Thor, now playing with aged china. “You have never seen it, perhaps, but it does exist.”

“I won’t believe it ‘till I see it,” says Tony, scoffing a little. “Can we go?”

“But there is so much beauty and splendor in this tiny little shop!” says Thor, smiling and holding a pin from the Civil War. “This comes from the year one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three!”

“1863, Thor,” says Tony, taking it out of his hands. “Put the stuff down, you’ll break it.”

“I am being very delicate,” says Thor. “Look at this mirror! ‘Tis from the twentieth century. Beautiful, is it not?”

“Yes, it’s very beautiful, Thor,” Tony says, taking that out of his hands as well. “I don’t feel like paying for an entire store today, so let’s maybe just go.”

“But Stark, you simply must look at this beautiful baske-”

“ _ Thor _ .”

“Very well, then,” he says, putting the woven basket down. It was pretty. “Let us go, Stark.”

“Are you two dears sure you wouldn’t like to buy anything?” asks Ms. Warlan from her seat, where she has picked up her book again.

“I apologize, Lady Warlan,” says Thor. “But I shall be back soon.”

“Soon?” she asks. “Well, I’m glad to hear that someone will be stopping by soon, then.”

“Do you not often get visitors, Lady Warlan?” Thor asks, and Tony turns his attention to their conversation.

“I’m afraid not, dear,” says Ms. Warlan. “Bills have been hard to pay as of late, and-” She cuts herself off in the middle. “Oh, listen to me, talking about my small problems when I’m sure you two dears have some avenging to get to.”

“Not as of right now,” says Thor. “I am sorry to hear that your bills are getting harder to pay. If you go to the bank, I am sure they will give you money to pay them.”

“That’s not how banks work, Thor,” Tony whispers into his ear. 

“That seems stupid, then,” Thor shoots back. “Come, Stark, let us leave. Goodbye, Ms. Warlan!” 

“Goodbye!” With a small wave to Ms. Warlan, Thor walks out the door.

“I’ll be just a second, Thor,” Tony says quickly, and then looks to Ms. Warlan. “Hi. Ms. Warlan.”

“Hello, dear,” she says. “Did you need something?”

“I wanted you to know,” Tony starts, pulling a piece of scrap paper out of his pocket and taking a pen. “That if you ever need anything- food, clothes, or anything really- don’t hesitate to call me.” He writes down his number on the paper and hands it to her. “That’s my personal line. It was nice meeting you, Ms. Warlan.”

Ms. Warlan’s lip trembles, and for a moment Tony thinks she’s going to cry. Then she grins from ear to ear and hugs Tony. Tony steps back, but lets her; it’s kind of comforting. 

“Thank you so much, Mr. Stark,” she says, pulling back. “Thank you! Goodbye! I hope to see you again sometime!”

“I think you will be,” says Tony, flashing her a smile and heading out the door. He shuts it behind him, the bells jingling as it closes. Thor waits outside.

“Did you-”

“Yes,” says Tony, and Thor laughs. 

“Friend Tony, you are truly the kindest person I have ever met,” Thor says.

Tony smiles. “Yeah, well, no one should have to suffer all alone like that. Especially when they deserve so much more.”

“Spoken like a true Avenger,” says Thor, and throws an arm around Tony’s shoulders. Tony lets him and edges a little closer. Thor was warm and big, perfect for cold and dreary nights. 

“You know what, Thor?”

Thor looks down at him. “What?”

“I’m starving,” Tony says. “Let’s go eat. I know this amazing Indo-Chinese place down on 50th street. We can grab something for the others. And Clint.”

“If he finishes cleaning up the mess by the time we get there,” Thor adds. 

“Well, if he doesn’t, I won’t be giving him the hot and sour. And that’s his favorite,” says Tony.

“Not the hot and sour!” Thor feigns disapproval. “Why does Clint have to clean up our mess?”

“Would you rather clean it up?”

**Author's Note:**

> Um I would just put the Italian stuff through translate but here's a gist of what the conversation goes like:  
> "Are you okay, sir? Do you want water?" (Louise)  
> "No, please, I'm fine." (Tony)  
> "Yes, of course. Are you interested in our (insert season I can't remember) collection?" (Louise)  
> "Yes, thank you." (Thor)
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated. Thanks for reading!


End file.
